Weird, Twisted Dreams I’ve Had (#16 Will Shock You!?!)

The title says it all. I keep a dream journal. These are some takes from that which I thought might be interesting to share, cause my imagination is…out there.

#1 Hitler Suicide

I had a dream that sounds made up, but it happened. I remember somehow little kid Hitler found out what he’d be like in the future. At first it was a vision, like the penseive in Harry Potter, but later (because dream logic) he could interact with his own future directly. Little Hitler got really upset while me (as his teacher) and his classmates watched, unsure of what to say to comfort him. While Big Hitler was giving a particularly hateful, apocalyptic speech, his younger self tearfully aimed a gun and shot. Then it was like that scene in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker where the corrupting adult figure (in this case, the future Hitler) dramatically slumped down and looked his assailant in the eyes before his life ended forever. His younger counterpart started sobbing and dropped the gun.

At a different point in in the dream, some little gypsy girl who was in baby Adolf’s class taught the young Austrian how to say units of time sensuously while holding up several pocket watches.

#2 Disturbing Kablaam

I had a weird dream that me and my next door neighbor uncovered a lost episode of Kablaam that had a hidden porn short in it. We started doing some investigating and this intimidating fat guy who worked in the industry told us to stop looking into things we might not want to know the answer to. We found the site of the company that made the short (and that the fat guy works for) and they were broadcasting from the webcams of some women I knew, basically uploading their daily routines to the internet. I let my friends know they were being watched. Then the fat guy returned and said since I ruined a broadcast, I now owed him one in return. I refused. Later, I was chilling outside and a tree fell on me, injuring me. I went to the hospital and the fat guy was standing over my bed. He said “A lot of people go for that crippled/amputee shit.“

#3 Hijinks in a Galaxy Far Far Away…

I had a fun dream about the Star Wars cast

When filming Episode III Lucas decided to add some ROTJ era scenes as “flash forwards” to tie the trilogies together.

There was supposed to be a scene where Leia in the metal bikini screws a grotesque frog alien. The alien and crew were ready and waiting for a long time before Lucas appeared. He was visibly disappointed and announced Carrie didnt want to do the sex scene anymore. There was an awkward moment where no one knew how to react.

There was another scene where Tusken Raiders capture Luke and pour hot chemicals on his hand. Mark Hamill was impressed and assumed they’d do it to his fake mechanical hand from ESB, which is how he’d make his escape. To him, this was a brilliant story continuity from ESB. He said all this to Lucas, who had no idea what Mark was talking about. So they go to film the scene and Lucas had them strap Mark’s real hand down on a torture rack and actually burned it off while the actor cried out in agony.

Backstage, Harrison Ford was in the iconic vest and drunk. He saw Jake Lloyd in costume as young Anakin waiting around. Ford asked sarcastically if Jake’s excited to still be playing the same old thing. Jake asks “what about you” and Ford blithely quips “yep, my favorite role” as he downed another mouthful of liquor and stumbled off.

Lucas changed his mind about including these throwback scenes as the crew pointed out how Anakin sucks as a character. He doesn’t do anything or get any time to shine. Even though it doesn’t make sense, another throwback scene followed this in my dream:

The last scene was Lucas making a Stan Lee type cameo to announce to Leia that even though she’s an orphan she belongs with a real family. Leia asks where the others are, Lucas says Han and Lando took Luke to Earth. There’s an awkward moment where neither says anything and she just kinda looks around aimlessly, hoping someone will arrive on set to provide an excuse to leave. Then Lucas starts cackling maniacally like Granny Rocko and announces hes got her all alone…

#4 Sympathy for the Reagans

I had a disturbing alternate history dream where Nancy Reagan got shot in the head by a transwoman so she had her jaw held together by wire. There was a news segment i saw describing the arrest of her assailant at a school theater and the newscaster misgendered her. Ronald was so overcome with grief he hanged himself on national TV during what was supposed to be a speech to the nation. I saw it in my dream, his flailing around on the noose in agony for a long time, clearly regretting his decision immediately but now unable to free himself. The news crew were refusing to cut the footage or save him for fear of losing the big ratings. I saw Nancy sitting in a chair, now alone in the world with a shattered jaw, in so much pain she was unable to speak or cry. And I was aware of myself and wondering how I’d missed this historic moment, how it could be that I’d never heard of it before. It seemed so sad it actually made me feel bad for the Reagans, two people whose political legacy I personally am not a fan of. Then I woke up and realized it never actually happened and felt incredible relief.

#5 Vertigo Tie-In

Vertigo dream, (the first I recall), where the scene of Gavin and Madeline at Ernie’s was different. Here, he walked back in after supposedly leaving, to gauge if Scottie would follow her. We don’t see Scottie, but the camera itself nodded an answer from a first person view. Then a red heart and green spade both slightly overlapping appeared on screen. The top of the spade formed the A in Alfred Hitchcock, while the bottom of the heart formed the V in Vertigo. The way they overlapped was like they made a black diamond, until they both “exploded” one at a time, filling the screen with green and red one after the other.

In my version, Gavin himself took Scottie to the various locations he knew Madeline might go. The one I saw was new, it was a huge park with gray stone roads and stairs everywhere. There was a road leading into a small artificial lake that the characters referred to as either “shiny island” or “white island.” The name was a reference to the reflection of light on a waters surface.

At some point it stopped being about Scottie and Gavin and it was me, my dad and an old man with long white hair and a beard sitting in this white island. A church congregation was nearby and they singled us out, calling the old man “the long lost Long John Silver.” I yelled back “if you know him you must be a jail bird yourself!” quoting another Jimmy Stewart movie. My dad said something too, but I can’t remember.

Then the paths intersected: I was still me and could see myself in the dream…but Madeline and Scottie were walking around too, though neither could see me. I was a third person observer in the film. They were talking together as they walked this new park. Madeleine was being somewhat coy and leading Scottie on, while he was reverent and interested immediately but trying hard not to show it. I knew this was the first time they met, and before Scottie had even begun to officially follow her for Gavin. I was wondering how I’d missed this crucial scene all this time watching the film.

They left, with her leading and him following. He kept trying to keep her engaged, while she just spoke over her shoulder at him, almost dismissively. She’d eventually keep going and leave Scottie behind. I walked along with them but to the side somewhat. My dad caught up, and non-verbally shook his head as if to say “oh boy, you’re watching this movie yet again, eh?” Rather than speak of it though, he started talking about buying me whey protein. I answered that isn’t really the look I’m going for. He says “oh” and I just say “yeah, but I’ve kept in shape–down to 145 pounds.” He tells me I could afford to pig out on m&ms for once with that physique, and gives me money to do so.

The Vertigo characters are totally gone now. Just me and my dad in a museum. He goes in one exhibit while I leave to grab m&ms. I’m traveling through some weird cramped apartment like space to get out and bump into my aunt who shows me the exit, which is down a flight of stairs at the end of the room (which is stuffed with furniture and random crap). Left to my own devices I would have missed it, but after she pointed it out, I saw a modified light switch with a red exit sign.

I came out and literally the exit I just left was revealed to be the trunk of a minivan stuffed with luggage. At some point I go back in and there are three characters, including Ajax from Duckman, writing disturbing fan fiction about me and laughing.

#6 Political Thriller

My dream last night was like a Hitchcock thriller. Some girl I used to know died, I was the main suspect. I had to come in every day to talk to some condescending (but putting on an act of kindness) police captain. I had to pay money to the department too or else they’d blackmail me. Word got out why I had to make these after school visits and my reputation was ruined. There was legit even a Doug-esque dream sequence within the dream of me being locked in a great black safe as punishment for my “crime”.

They forced me to buy a name tag of all things that had the wrong name of it–Jared. The cop explained that I was a “good kid” and he knew I didn’t do anything wrong, but wanted me to keep coming in anyway. Suddenly it was another day at the station…but somehow someone died in there. Captain told me to go ask someone else for hot chocolate to calm down after finding the body. His secretary came in, blurting some big news about the election, some great unknown scandal she’d just discovered…and I heard her get shot. So I ran out of the station, frantically bobbing and weaving through people to hide. And he was chasing me. Suddenly it was clear to me that the captain was a plant for Trump and they’d sullied my reputation and kept me occupied so I wouldn’t be able to leak some major scandal I knew but didn’t realize I’d known all this time. It was election day, too late to stop things, and I was running for my life.

I’m not sure how the election scandal “twist” fits in…but it was a dream. If there were a way to rectify both disjointed plot elements…boom you’ve got a movie.

#7 Tale of the Werewolf Sisters

I had another dream that there were two werewolf sisters who were also trans and were fighting. One I remember was chilling in a parking lot in the woods. The other ran a beauty salon. The beauty salon owner I remember talking to a bit. I went in to get my hair done and angered the Greek gods somehow. Then she mentioned to me about how upset she was she wasn’t talking to her sister, and other personal stuff. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked and how far she’d come in her transition. Either hers or my mom was leading a manhunt to have us committed so we were fearful of that.

Then at some point the sisters met up again in the deadbeat-sister’s parking lot and made up. The sister who drove didn’t put the car in park, so while they got out to talk, the car nearly lurched over the barrier at the head of the parking space. It was raining, so we all went into a shed and modified guns to be fully auto. The werewolf sisters were mad at the world. One tested their gun at a window, which alerted police. We ran into the car.

Now here’s where it really gets weird. I “knew” at this point I was watching a movie. I was expecting a climactic car chase but the film just ended abruptly. So I imagined my own, still within the dream, with us speeding away and blasting thru our assailants. Then we pulled over to a bridge and I knew this would be where the sequel should begin. The beauty salon sister was transforming into her werewolf self and wanted us to dump ice water on her to turn back to normal. It worked, and as some of the police showed up they merely saw me and her holding hands. A female officer said “if Cassandra wants to go on a date with someone that’s none of our business.” They drove away.

Sadly I can’t remember details or some plot threads because I woke up from this narrative but was still in the dream, now living with extended family. I was writing the werewolf sisters narrative from the earlier part of the dream down while my cousin put some meat in the microwave and another cousin took it out when he saw all the smoke it was making. Someone balanced a cup of milk on the smoke plume. Then I woke up for real.

#8 “Even God Doesn’t Want McGovern to Win”

I had a dream the Powerpuff Girls had problems leaving Ms Kean’s lectures early enough to get to emergencies. They tried leaving earlier and stuff but it was a no go with the teacher. They’d do demonstrations of their powers towards the end of class as an excuse to just bail immediately (like as if it were part of the demonstration.) Bubbles separated her body into many thin slices that bounced around the room. Then Ms Kean would ask how she could phosphorize a piece of organic matter like that and part of Bubbles burst into flames. (Somehow these events occurred out of their logical order.) After one unsuccessful attempt to leave, Blossom threw her papers over her shoulder in frustration as if in the end of a sitcom.

At some point this merged into games of Mario Party. At times the girls were themselves, at times they were Mario Party characters. I was the fourth player. I had fun, but was worried someone would make fun of me if they saw. For what tho, I have no idea. At one point my game avatar got in an elevator first that turned into a DK barrel and spun around. From inside I could see the barrel graphics were paper thin and pieces instantaneously disappeared from sight as it spun. All this was similar to how N64 graphics actually look, the shallow polygons and stuff clipping the camera. My old claustrophobia returned and I wondered how they’d save me in a virtual elevator.

Later, I was on a long tour with McGovern and various volunteers or press people. Every conceivable thing went wrong. This was from mundane stuff like people falling into a river, to absurd. An example of the latter was a building transformed into a man shape, smoking another piece of the building like a cigar. Even in the dream everyone knew how ridiculous this was, but we all laughed at the absurdity. We’d say things like “anything can happen with McGovern” or “even God doesn’t want McGovern to win.” Some people called him cursed or a loser. I could see their point, until I heard him speak again. I actually did hear some snippets of my favorite McGovern speeches and debates in my head, and I felt the same sense of unquestioning veneration for him I do in real life. Knowing I was working to put a man like him in office gave me the strength to press on.

#9 The Second Act Which Never Came

Later in the night I had another dream where it was the Von Trapp family from Sound of Music but in the modern day and traveling back thru time. Where did they stop? Where else but WWII. (So right back to where they’d be normally anyway.) We got out and walked around in some futuristic Nazi city. There was a statue of a burning house, carnage, child soldiers with a caption saying “the results of Socialism” or words to that effect. I took great offense to it and started yelling at a Nazi official nearby about how misleading and awful it was. He just laughed at me. Later on some head Nazi was giving us a tour.

I can’t remember the details but the youngest daughter Gretel, who was like less than ten, impressed me with a knowledge of history that was very comprehensive and well beyond her years. More than that, she had a great insight into human nature and being a child, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. Everyone else ignored her completely and/or talked down to her because of her age which pissed me off. I was pretty much just looking around as if to ask “umm is anyone else seeing how prescient this kid is or…just me..?” I felt extremely protective of her as a result. Later on, we were all sitting on our time traveling couch and she wandered off. I instinctively tried to stop her, but then realized we were in a play and her getting lost was the setup to act 2.

#10 Lovable Rogue

I had a very cinematic dream about a troubled young man. It starts with him getting in a big fight with his large family of multiple siblings. Everyone is against him and he’s even kicked out after he starts screaming and breaking stuff. Once kicked out he takes the clothes he can carry to a local pool and throws glass in it. As everyone is upset and frantic attempts removing the glass, he walks nonchalantly away. A sister follows him to see he stole things from unexpecting guests at the pool. There are ants in his duffel bag.

He goes home and a sympathetic uncle gives him a small case of beer. He’s out with another young vagabond and they discuss how the way to be homeless is to keep moving from place to place. There’s a cute high school guy and like five hot girls his age in a convertible outside, with a fat kid kneeling outside the shotgun. The new vagabond quips that he hates theater dorks and they all throw beer at him. Finally, our protagonist picks up one of the girls and takes her to the family pool for a night swim. Things are going well until the dad sees and runs outside with a pan to chase them away. The dad yells to the girl how his son shot him. Eventually the dad has a heart attack and drops dead. Next scene is his funeral, which our protagonist watches while wearing a mustache.

#11 Woodstock Reunion

I had another cinematic dream. There was a mentally ill guy who looked like Elliot from Mr Robot. I don’t remember much of the beginning but he lived with parents who were abusive. He gets away from them long enough and goes to a Woodstock reunion with old sixties stars chilling and talking about their glory days past.

Grace Slick was pretty cool–forget what she was saying, but she was very polite. I think someone asked her for acid or it was the other way around and she said she couldn’t get it. The regular Joe in the conversation didn’t believe her. He got chewed out for saying as much by Crosby, who reminded him we’re all just people. The guy from Sonny and Cher was going off on some trippy rant about living what you say, and he challenged the rest to live in a local Commune and go off grid. The protagonist decided to do just that.

He had a bird fly him there, then he called his abusive parents and basically told them it was their fault he ran away. There were two young women signing in at the front desk when he got there, and another behind it who was signing them in. And an old guard who called himself Cookie when our protagonist introduced himself. Everyone was pleasant and friendly looking but wore plain tan clothes that seemed out of step with hippies, more at home in jail. So the protagonist is assigned a number for a bunk, he repeats it (it was either 50 or 64) and is told it’s actually 50/64,000. He walks passed many empty bunks and wonders who if anyone else actually lives here. Then he’s in the prison yard talking to the two girls he came in with and they get called to the warden, who looks like Gus from Breaking Bad. He asks our protagonist all kinds of questions, including why he calls himself Guy when that’s not his real name. Guy reveals that a friend in the old insane asylum called him that. Warden asks what happened to him and Guy responds that he died. Around this time the warden reveals his evil intentions and starts working the attendees as slave labor. Then I woke up.

#12 Argosy Day

Weird dream about made up holiday, Argosy Day, super detailed. Think of the holiday as a combo of Halloween and Easter. Scary, religious background, and in spring.

Okay, I dreamed I was reading internet articles about lost films. One of the entries was a movie whose name I now forget, inside a not lost film called Argosy Day, about the “real” (in my mind, it was real) holiday. The plot of Argosy Day the movie involved a young boy playing outside an old man’s house. The old man is played by the director of both Argosy Day AND the lost film within the film. I just inherently knew that. And the latter film is playing inside the Directors house and visible from the yard where the boy is. The boy draws closer and closer to the house to be able to see it more closely. Before long, (and how exactly this happened is unknown to me) he’s inside the guys house. Like, sitting at his kitchen table while the guy and his impossibly younger girlfriend watching the movie in the living room.

The movie ends at 5 AM, and the girlfriend justifiably throws shade at the boy for being at their house so late. Apparently, she and the director didn’t want to watch this mysterious movie until the end but did so to please the boy. Boy leaves, but as he does the director follows and says some stuff I don’t remember. Then a demon of some kind steals the kid’s soul. It looked like a flaming skull. Without his soul, the boy could still move, but was devoid of emotions or personality. These next scenes didn’t play out in any kind of detail, but I somehow knew that later in the film it’d be revealed that his soul wasn’t stolen so much as splintered. The splintering pieces would break off and take memories with them. The most devastating of these being a new girl he’d recently met and liked, who would think he’s being rude since he could no longer recognize her. She had short brown hair and almost unnaturally large, blue eyes.

The “movie” Argosy Day ended, but my dream went on, and it was Argosy Day the holiday there too. Suddenly I wasn’t watching the movie anymore, I was half asleep in the backseat of my mother’s car as she drove me home to her house. It was real life Argosy Day, and I learned about the combination of religious and Wiccan undertones as well as the film within the film that was lost. I forget the name now, but the movie the boy saw, the one that had since been lost, climaxed in a magic duel between a guy in a white and gold papal type robe and a guy in a shaggy gray cloak with animal furs draped over his shoulders, like a Herculean take on Gandalf. I was determined to know more.

As mom drove me home, I had fake memories of college. Crowding around the table in my place with friends playing games and feeling like I belonged somewhere with someones for the first time in my life. Watching my friends graduate in the winter to ride off on their bikes in the falling snow only for me to be left behind. These are based on real memories, but with exaggerated detail.

Overall, this was the weirdest dream I’ve had in a long, long time. Maybe ever. I can’t recall another dream of such layers and detail, where my mind invented a new holiday, a movie, a movie within a movie and an investigation into info on that movie which never existed. I woke up convinced it was all real for many minutes until it dawned on me it was actually a dream. I even googled Argosy Day to try to find the film or holiday and keep learning more.

#13 Hero Worship is Unhealthy

I had a dream I met my hero and “celebrity” crush Matthew Boman, and in the most mundane of places. T’was outside in my parents back yard, I saw him wandering aimlessly as well and I went over to say I loved his work. He smiled and seemed enthused, but also a tad put off. He tried to scare me away at first–“I donate half my salary to charity” he says, as if I’m a gold digger. “Oh, that’s so noble of you!” I gush. He smiles more. We begin to talk and walk around together, though frustratingly I can’t remember details.

He shows me some Lego models he’s done which I think are great. He doesnt think so. He complains his green scaly dragon is supposed to be orange and the scales facing down, not back. I want to show him my own legos, but I have nothing so intricate–just two flat rows of bricks with fire on top that I call the Berlin wall. Getting out my legos for him revealed my old dinosaur toys. I try to play it cool so I won’t seem too nerdy “oh yeah, that’s a bumpy headed dinosaur.” Without skipping a beat, he answers “Pachycephalosaurus.” I look up at him and smile appreciatively. Something happens and I’m forced to leave his side. But everyone around me including my parents hear of what a “cool guy”/”great artist” I just met and know I must like him. When I’m allowed to “return” he’s vanished…but his parents as well as my own and some random kids are having a barbecue.

His parents seem to have heard of me and are similarly amused by my school girl crush on their son. I mention how I love his work, how his videos make me feel, and how “he can make a world out of anything” to his dad. “He’s very talented!” I say. His dad just smiles and says “yeah, he’s different.” And tells me Matthew’s inside. I go in to look for him. A little kid is following but I ask him to wait behind. I see some random high school people I haven’t spoken to in years. We make awkward small talk, they make fun of some random black girl lying on the couch in a heap of books and tinfoil. I ask where Matthew is, and they say “oh, you mean Moustachio Bogdaccio?” I woke up before they could say anything more.

#14 Nazi Eggs

A dream where I’m walking along the ruins of an outdoor tree house when some crazy nazi doctor’s ghost (named Mengele or Menagala or something) offered me some much-needed supplies if I only used these hideous experimental gorilla-man embryos when I wanted to get pregnant. They came in an egg carton and had these ape-skeleton designs printed on their shell. I stupidly said “yes” but then instantly regretted the deal. I knew if I reneged, he would haunt me and my descendants for all eternity. The rest of the dream was weighing the options, whether to risk the curse, go childless, spawn one mutant baby and then have a nice family, etc.

#15 Sky League

I dreamed it was a Game of Thrones type of universe with warring nations. One army in particular overthrew the “sky league” and took their territory. The leaders of the conquering army were revealed to be Dexter, Mandark and some other guy The other was already plotting to kill the other two but knew he’d need them for now. They built a sound machine along the perilous cliffs which were the only way in so anyone coming by would think there’s a storm. The emblem of the Sky League was a golden X over a vertically aligned white feather.

And then they cracked down on dissent. One guy they captured asked if he could be ripped apart as opposed to crushed “so my mind can expand.” His request was granted. I could feel for myself the lump in his throat which was supposed to expand and kill him. Then I remembered that this was happening to me too only because I had headphones in, so I took them out. I remember hearing my own voice in my head describe what happened to Shireen: “she was just a sweet intelligent little girl. she didn’t deserve that fate.”

After that there was something about Kirby Dreamland 3 and a new boss in that game emerged during a segment where you had to climb down from various platforms. It was a giant version of one of those flying enemies that looks cute until you try to suck them up and they appear monstrous. You had to beat him on the platforms or the game would crash, and that’s what happened to me.

There was something about Doug but i forget details. I remember thinking Roger was hilarious tho. I think he was harassing Doug on the old site of the battle field.

#16 Hitler’s Dream

I know a lot of people are gonna think I’m making this one up, but I had a dream about Nazi’s both neo and historical. I saw my new home, REDACTED-ville, torn apart as Trump supporters became more organized and empowered to do nasty things. Myself and other “sexual deviants” and political dissenters were to be rounded up, so we took shelter in a big building together. I hid in a big empty space under the sink. The new Nazi’s came thru to search and found nothing, which shocked me because I knew our hiding places weren’t that good. I reasoned that they’d be coming again, and this time they really would seize everyone.

I bought some M&Ms to give my [now-ex] girlfriend to try to alleviate some tension in the meantime. There was a man dressed in a large Donald Trump costume (think Disneyland or Chuckie Cheese) who was meant to look endearing walking around abandoned streets. People eventually scurried out like mice to find new hiding spots, but also those not in danger were heading to and from work as normal, completely oblivious to the suffering of those around them. A few did notice our plight, and enjoyed it.

Me and many of the others tried to flee in a nineteenth century covered wagon. I was the only one visible, the others were hidden under the floor. Patrols were out but they did not see us. I saw some Ed Edd n Eddy characters around this point, like Rolph and Eddy. I saw the Von Trapp family as the dad told his eight year old son that he was a man grown, and try to explain the awful things that were happening in ways a child could understand. He obviously said the first part both to encourage his son and to communicate that, ready or not, the boy was about to face a man’s troubles.

At this point, me and my [now ex] girlfriend were hiding in two separate rooms in a new hiding place that was being slowly and meticulously combed over by a historical Nazi official. I knew I had to get to her room and flee together without being seen, or this would be it. I saw images from Maus, like the bunch of mice hanged in a ghetto. I saw people dying in the gas chambers. I saw men enthusiastically carrying out their work rounding people up. I saw that one guy Herr Zoller from Sound of Music yelling “Heil Hitler” and taking note of who willingly or reluctantly returned the salute. I saw that famous image of a German soldier with a frostbitten face, looking as miserable as anyone I’ve ever seen, being taken prisoner at Stalingrad to probably never come home.

Around this last phase of the dream (this especially is gonna sound like embellished melodramatic virtue signalling I know) I kept hearing a cold narrative voice read “overall, about 40 million people would die for Hitler’s dream” as if reading from a textbook. I was crying and wondering why this was happening and how to escape. Obviously this is the most intense dream I’ve had in a long time.

You Had To Be There…

I had the saddest yet most uplifting dream ever. The Bridge to Terebithia of dreams. There was a football of all things in it…but the football represented friendship. Someone in the dream (let’s call her Venus), who was my best friend in college, gave me the football to represent our friendship before going off on her own in life. And I wept profusely in my dream over that football for what seemed like hours, literally just me in the dream sobbing. And I remember thinking “for all the upset and setbacks, I wouldn’t have done things any different, because at least I met you, for however brief a time.” And also in this dream I lived in a tree house in the woods and deer were walking around on their hind legs. I’ve had many dreams, I try to write all of them down. I think this one was the most profound I ever had.